The night before I went into 6th grade, I was absolutely terrified. It was a new school and I was going to have to make new friends and go to 8 different classes a day and find my way around. I cried and cried, begging my parents to let me be homeschooled. And in my dad’s typical dumb humor, he pulled me into his lap and told me he had something for me that would make me feel better…something he never shares with anyone. And he gave me an oreo.
I didn’t get to be homeschooled. And I hated 6th grade. But it got better—although the oreo didn’t have anything to do with that.
Well, tomorrow I start grad school. I am taking 5 classes at a new school, where I won’t have any friends and I have to find my way around to my new classes. And I’m terrified. I sure could use one of those oreos…or better yet, my dad. One of the hardest parts of losing my dad, I’ve found, is the “moving on,” though I hate that term. It’s doing things that my dad never knew I was going to do. Our wedding was hard, but God filled it with his faithfulness and joy. I never imagined my wedding without my dad, it never crossed my mind. But, I know my dad loved my new husband and I believe he gave me away the day that he prayed over Dave and I as we packed my car and moved to Philadelphia. So I we didn’t just get though the wedding day, we loved every bit of it and I know my dad was watching. But seminary? That was never in my plan. In fact, after taking 2 bible classes at Baylor and barely passing them, my dad told me “it’s a good thing you’re not planning to go to seminary!” Yet here I am, starting my Masters in Biblical Counseling at a Biblical Seminary. It’s hard to go into this new chapter of life without any of my dad’s advice. I miss him. I’m thankful to be in school alongside my hubby so that we can learn to do counseling together and be better in ministry together, but I would give anything to be able to hear from my dad. Not that he wouldn’t approve, I know he’d be proud of me, but I wish I could hear him say it.
I haven’t made any friends since my dad died. I had just been getting involved in my church, but I stopped because I didn’t want to meet new people. Meeting new people means opening up to people about my struggles and grief. That resulted in loneliness for the last 15 months. (except for my wonderful husband who’s been by my side through it all). I have a few friends that I’ve had since before the accident who have been there for me and I’m so thankful for them–but very few near me here that I can speak to often. Going into the counseling program means hopefully making friends, which I’m so excited about, but nervous as well because it means vulnerability.
As for the rest of our life besides school, we’re loving doing ministry together at our new church. The kids are fantastic and the church is so gracious to us. There is a lot of potential for growth–spiritually and in size and we’re so excited about it.
So that’s about it 
Drop me a line sometime! In the meantime…I’ll be eating oreos.
My heart hurts for you, yet rejoices at how God showed himself faithful through your wedding and in giving you a wonderful man as your husband. I’ll be praying that as you learn to counsel in a biblical way, the Lord will continue to heal your heart, so that you can minister to others more effectively. God’s word tells us to comfort others with the same truths that we ourselves have been comforted with. So I will pray that God will overload you with comforting truths about him-so that you have to stop and let it all absorb for a while, and that you and Dave will continue to grow together. I am also praying that God gives you courage to be vulnerable to the right people-people who will care for your soul. I love you Emily, I think about you and pray for you more often than I can say. I miss you, my friend.
Emily,
I just read your last two posts–the one about finding your dad’s sermon from 2007 and then your wedding and moving into grad school. I know that just by reading your dad’s message and what you have expressed in yours that you know in your heart that your dad is so proud of you and the way you are finding yourself through the ministry.
I’m proud of you too. The two of you will make new friends and enrich your lives and those you meet so greatly. I’m so glad that your mom has the younger children at home to fill her day. I know it’s hard to have a loss like yours when you are so young.
Although I was almost 33 when my dad passed, I still wonder the “what if’s” for another year, five, or 15 years. What would we have shared that can never be? I also have the same thoughts regarding my mom who’s been gone almost 4 years. Time continues on and we have to find the joy in the lives we live and the people who come into our lives. Now I have a 3-year-old Emma and a 5-month-old Nathan to make my heart leap up! These are the little miracles that remind me of the wonderful God we have.
Keep in touch, Mary