The night before I went into 6th grade, I was absolutely terrified. It was a new school and I was going to have to make new friends and go to 8 different classes a day and find my way around. I cried and cried, begging my parents to let me be homeschooled. And in my dad’s typical dumb humor, he pulled me into his lap and told me he had something for me that would make me feel better…something he never shares with anyone. And he gave me an oreo.
I didn’t get to be homeschooled. And I hated 6th grade. But it got better—although the oreo didn’t have anything to do with that.
Well, tomorrow I start grad school. I am taking 5 classes at a new school, where I won’t have any friends and I have to find my way around to my new classes. And I’m terrified. I sure could use one of those oreos…or better yet, my dad. One of the hardest parts of losing my dad, I’ve found, is the “moving on,” though I hate that term. It’s doing things that my dad never knew I was going to do. Our wedding was hard, but God filled it with his faithfulness and joy. I never imagined my wedding without my dad, it never crossed my mind. But, I know my dad loved my new husband and I believe he gave me away the day that he prayed over Dave and I as we packed my car and moved to Philadelphia. So I we didn’t just get though the wedding day, we loved every bit of it and I know my dad was watching. But seminary? That was never in my plan. In fact, after taking 2 bible classes at Baylor and barely passing them, my dad told me “it’s a good thing you’re not planning to go to seminary!” Yet here I am, starting my Masters in Biblical Counseling at a Biblical Seminary. It’s hard to go into this new chapter of life without any of my dad’s advice. I miss him. I’m thankful to be in school alongside my hubby so that we can learn to do counseling together and be better in ministry together, but I would give anything to be able to hear from my dad. Not that he wouldn’t approve, I know he’d be proud of me, but I wish I could hear him say it.
I haven’t made any friends since my dad died. I had just been getting involved in my church, but I stopped because I didn’t want to meet new people. Meeting new people means opening up to people about my struggles and grief. That resulted in loneliness for the last 15 months. (except for my wonderful husband who’s been by my side through it all). I have a few friends that I’ve had since before the accident who have been there for me and I’m so thankful for them–but very few near me here that I can speak to often. Going into the counseling program means hopefully making friends, which I’m so excited about, but nervous as well because it means vulnerability.
As for the rest of our life besides school, we’re loving doing ministry together at our new church. The kids are fantastic and the church is so gracious to us. There is a lot of potential for growth–spiritually and in size and we’re so excited about it.
So that’s about it Drop me a line sometime! In the meantime…I’ll be eating oreos.