India Story

It’s REALLY long…but here is my testimony from India:

When I was 12 years old, I went to a teen girls conference and went to a session on missions. The speaker had been a missionary to India. As I heard her story and learned about the 10/40 window, that only 1% of the worlds missionaries were there and .05% were Christian, I knew God was telling me to go. I came home so excited and passionate about India. I read everything I could get my hands on—about religions, culture, food, history, everything. During that time, my dad told me that he became a Christian at age 17 because he went to a retreat where the main speaker was a missionary to India. He told the missionary that he felt called to go to India as well—and the man told him to grow in his faith and become a pastor and then go, so he did. When I heard this, my dad and I decided to go together someday. Christmas 2007 he surprised me with news that we would go on a 3 week trip in February 2009 together. It didn’t happen because of my internship, so we decided we would go when I finished my masters. That didn’t happen because he passed away. He dreamed of and prayed for India for 34 years and never got to go. After 13 years of daily praying and dreaming—I got to fulfill our dream.

Preparing for India was filled with mountains and valleys. Even though I went to trainings, up until Thanksgiving I didn’t really think I would go. I just knew something would happen and I wouldn’t get to go. Once I realized I was really going, it hit me hard. Satan used my unbelief to strike me with fear. I had SO much anxiety—and that lasted for about 3 weeks. My anxieties and fears were that India wouldn’t  be all that I dreamed, for my motion sickness, not feeling like the trip was successful, and worrying about what to say for my testimony and evangicube. After much prayer, about a week before the trip, I gave these fears to Him and prayed that he would answer them in His own way. I finally began to get excited. I couldn’t wait to see what God would do!

On the plane to India, God brought me to Psalm 115:1—“not to us, Lord, not to us, but to your name be the glory for your love and faithfulness.” This became my payer for the trip. Even though India had been my dream—I didn’t want the focus to be on me or my expectations for the trip. I wanted to fix my eyes on Christ and give him ALL the glory for everything that would happen—because he is worthy of our praise and glory and he is faithful to keep his promises. I prayed for Him to make me small so that it would be Him that people see. I prayed for Him to give me the words to say and to use me as His tool. I had no idea what to expect so I prayed He would keep me joyful, patient and flexible.

My heart broke at the poverty that I saw everywhere—the absolute brokenness that I saw in peoples eyes and faces. One thing that really struck me was the way that so many people just sat, staring at nothing, just looking empty. I wondered what they looked at, what they were thinking, what they struggled with. It was so hard to see the way that many people lived. Yet when we started doing work, my cheeks literally hurt from smiling so much because of the JOY that I saw in the believers. They are on fire for God and to listen to them pray and worship and commit their lives to His calling was so convicting. God really taught me to pray for others and how to pray His words back to Him. I began to really understand the Lords prayer—and daily I begged God to let us see HIS kingdom come and HIS will be done in the villages and ministry workers retreat. I was brought to 2 Cor 6:2—it says “Now is the time of Gods favor, now is the day of his salvation.” I would pray His words, and in return feel His presence in a way I’ve never seen.

In the villages, it was a blessing and a privilege to share the gospel with them for the first time. They were completely encaptured by the story of salvation and confessed to Him and turned their lives to Him without hesitation. It was frustrating at time to not know if they truly understood the prayer they were praying, but I believe that was satans way of trying to get me to doubt Gods work. I began to pray “Lord, I believe. Help me in my unbelief,” and I prayed for workers to be raised up  and a revival to start in the villages. I felt the holy spirit in an awesome way that I never  had before. I prayed that God would know their names and hearts and reveal himself to them throughout their lives.

Sunday morning, God opened my eyes to spiritual darkness and war in a new way. I didn’t really believe demon possession was real anymore—I thought that was in biblical times but not today. I thought you had to be a pastor to cast them out. Watching a woman become demon possessed and the prayers of God’s people cast it out was the scariest and most powerful experience I’ve ever had. I prayed harder than I ever have before and I realized how unprepared I am for spiritual battle. I questioned at the time who could become demon possessed, why it happens and how. Dave brought up to Ephesians 6:10-18 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”

I know now that there is a spiritual darkness and war being waged every day, and if we are not strong, alert and prepared—our faith will be attacked. Even here in the United States, there is a spiritual war—but it isn’t as obvious. I pray that God will open my eyes daily to be strong in Him and pray against darkness—seen and unseen.

The last lesson I learned was to always be ready for anything and to be obedient to Christ. My testimony that I shared in India was different every time—and my prayer was simply, “God, speak through me. Use me as your tool.” I want that to be my prayer daily. I want to listen to his calling and be obedient, even when I don’t fully understand. I am nothing without Christ, and I want to be reminded of that through everything I do. He is the only thing worth living for and He is worthy of everything we can give.

God answered every anxiety I had. I had motion sickness but never threw up (a HUGE deal for me!). 1900 people heard the gospel for the first time—definitely a successful trip! God spoke through me and gave me words every time I needed them—and India was BEYOND my expectations.

The things I want to remember most from this trip are:
**The JOY in peoples faces after receiving Christ
**Fervently praying for each heart we would serve
**The excitement people had for the gospel
**How the strength and presence of Christ takes away all fear
**The faithfulness of God

I saw my dad in SO many ways while in India:
**While watching Dave preach and encourage the future leaders of India
**The pride of watching our students grow in confidence
**Sharing his story and our dreams of India
**Singing his favorite hymn “great is thy faithfulness” on the way to a village
**Giving the Pastor one of my dads shirts that he had worn on missions in the past and hearing the Pastor tell me that my dad was part of the “great cloud of witnesses” cheering us on

My dad was on the trip with me. My joy is complete because I know Christ, and nothing else matters. Whether or not I return to India, my life has been changed and enriched in ways I never would have expected and I can’t wait to see what he does next in the lives of the people we left behind and in our lives here.

You can see pictures at https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10100741188404383.2554208.9210871&type=1&l=82a5798617 (you don’t have to have a facebook to view the album)

Missions Trip to India–Dave’s Blog

Here is Dave’s blog that he wrote about India…mine will come eventually, but his is just too great to not share!! Its long, but his writing is awesome.

Months of training, and days of anticipation finally came to an end after a 30 plus hour trip to India that landed us in Dehli Christmas day.  The first thing that hit me wasn’t that I wouldn’t spend Christmas with my family, it wasn’t that I was in a different country, it wasn’t the fears of how I’d respond to culture, chai tea and curry—the first thing that hit me was the dense air of Dehli.  I’m still not quite sure what exactly the dense fog consisted of—some say it is pollution, others say it’s the accumulation of the burnt wastes of the people.  Whatever it was, it wasn’t pleasant.  I can’t imagine ever getting used to it.  My lungs, the sensitive bunch they are, began to cough out all the “air” I was breathing.  I coughed so much that I began to cough out blood.  Nathan’s mom diagnosed the blood with 2 possibilities: 1) A ruptured blood vessel from coughing so hard or 2) lung cancer.  I found it quite comical to be honest.  I wasn’t ever worried that it was a big problem.  I suppose God gave me the grace to believe that whatever was going to happen during the trip, whether good or bad, was all first sifted by my Wonderful Counselor and Shepherd.

All the teams gathered that first night and prayed together thanking the Lord for safe travels.  I met Pastor **Mark** for the first time there during dinner.  Throughout the trip, he became a type of shepherd—leading us into the villages, making sure we ate and slept well, and most importantly, spiritually laying the ground work for us to do God’s work.  For some reason, I kept forgetting that he was fasting during our trip.  Every few hours I’d offer him a granola bar only to be reminded that he was fasting.  It took me a few days before I stopped offering him food.  From my first impression of him, his gentle spirit didn’t fool me—I knew he was made to be a warrior for God.

Early next morning we left for Jaipur, Rajasthan—a 5 hour drive from Dehli.  I used the opportunity to soak in as much of the culture as I could.  Some worked as street vendors, others carpenters and drivers.  I could tell they enjoyed their chai tea—it provided a warm break for a day that consisted in many uncertainties.  I was surprised how many people there were in the city—I couldn’t imagine business being very easy for families.

We arrived at our hotel—Hotel Shikkah.  Prior to the trip, I mentally prepared myself to finish the trip 10 pounds lighter with no little sleep, and no showers.  Praise God that the opposite was true.  The hotel was very nice—not quite a 5 star hotel in California but within India, it was close to a 5 star.  Clean rooms, working showers and a morning buffet.  It became very important to rest well and eat well.  There were two agendas for our trip: 1) equip Christians to be missionaries through a conference called ‘Yuva Darshan’ (Vision for the Youth) and 2) spread the gospel to villages within Jaipur and Alawar—areas which are 99.5% Hindu and Muslim.

A typical day began around 8 AM with worship and prayer.  We made a concerted effort to allow worship and prayer to fill our days.  During the car rides to villages, we sang Hindi worship songs and prayed for all the people we passed by.  We prayed that our car would be a central hub of worship and prayer—wherever we went, we wanted the spirit of revival to empower the Gospel message.  I couldn’t help but think of what a privilege we all had to deliver the Gospel to people who ranged from 5 years old to 65 years old—all who have never heard the gospel not even once.

John writes in 21:25, “Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.”

There were so many answered prayer requests, so many testimonies of how God worked, and so many affirmations of God’s power all within just a week and a half span.  Although they should not be distinguished as small and great, there were a few that were more memorable than others.

When I first arrived in Dehli, Pastor **John** pulled me aside and began sharing that during the Sunday worship time, there are always demon possessed people who disrupt the worship.  He was right.  Our first Sunday worship, as we were worshipping, I noticed by the corner of my eye, a woman who started behaving oddly.  She turned around 360, her body tensing up only to contort in different ways.  She then pushed other women, preventing them from worshipping.  By this point, everyone’s attention turned to this one woman.  During our debriefing meeting, everyone was shaken up.  In the States we had learned about Paul’s letter to the Ephesians and the spiritual battle we all live in—but for many, it was the first time seeing the battle manifested within a woman.  The lasting image from that Sunday worship was not the contortions of the demon possessed woman, it was her response.  Eventually, with the prayers of the believers and the continual worship, the woman knelt down and bowed her head.  It was a picture that indeed “every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is lord.”  It was symbolic of the victory that Jesus has won, defeating Satan and the spiritual forces of evil on the cross.  The outcries of Satan didn’t stop the worship—worship overcame, the gospel won out and Jesus was glorified.

One village visit stood out in particular.  It started off poorly.  The most frustrating aspect of missions in India was that communication was limited.  We learned the basic Hindi phrases, “What’s your name,” and “How old are you?”

We got to the village only to find out that our translator was running 15 minutes late.  We all stared at each other and knew that we had to think creatively of how to fill the time.  So we tried to begin sharing our testimony; mixing the few hindi words we knew with our body language.  Soon we realized that no-one understood what we were saying.  So instead we started singing all the Hindi songs we knew.  By God’s grace, the translator arrived.  The team didn’t have much confidence that the village visit would turn out well.  But it became the most powerful visit.  Daniel began shared his testimony with tears in his eyes—you can tell others in the village connected to the story.  Another woman mentioned she wanted prayer—after becoming a Christian, she was being beaten by her husband.  Chloe shared similar stories of her family issues and although language separated them both, they both connected—crying and praying for each other.  During our debrief, the whole team agreed that it was oddly enough, the most powerful and effective village meeting we had.  It reaffirmed that effective ministry begins and ends with God.

Just within our team, the Gospel was preached to over 1900 people and within those 1900 people, over 1500 accepted Christ.  That is roughly 80%.  Although there may be some question as to how real those numbers are, the fact is that all 1500 recited the salvation prayer and confessed their need for Jesus.  While our missions trip ended, for the local pastors and workers, the mission has just begun.  They will now have the task of raising up churches and disciple these new believers.

“The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.”  Although the need for missions exists all around the world, there is a special need within India.  Please consider ways to support local workers within this 10/40 window.

**Names changed to protect privacy/security of pastors**

Dreams Really Do Come True

Pretty much anyone who knows me knows that I’m obsessed with India. When I was 12 years old I went to a youth girls conference and went to a session about missions and the woman leading had done mission work in India. As I learned about the 10/40 window and that only 1% of the world’s missionaries were in that window, I knew that I was called there. Soon after, I found out that my dad had felt called to India since he was 17 years old and a new Christian. We agreed that someday we would go together. Fast forward about 8 years….

My dad used to write silly poems for us every Christmas describing what our “big” present was. It was always my favorite part because as goofy as the poems were, they were so fun to read! Christmas day 2007 I received this poem:

What do you give a girl who’s got everything in the world
She’s got charm, she’s got pizzaz, she’s going in a whirl.
To Turkey she’ll go, to Rio she went. For all we know, she’s heaven sent

Soon from Baylor she’ll graduate and not one more semester we’ll negotiate
Though she’s drinking lattes with a guy named __________, to hospitals she’s looking to work with a sick tyke.

How do we know that from college she goes? What proof does she offer? What can she show?
Just look on her finger, not the left but the right! And you’ll see her smiling and cheering with might.

Yes, her ring is her gift and she knows that it’s coming.
And anxious to open it so off to Baylor she’ll go running.

 What she does not know is what’s in store
What’s around the corner? Do her parents have more?

Yes we know she has a mission heart and serving God she’ll always do her part
So we want her know that if the timings just right, she’ll go to a place she’s always had in her sight

 With Dad to the east, farther east she will go, past Rio, past Turkey, past those places she knows
Next February she and Dad to India will travel, we just hope our plans do not begin to unravel.

With SHOCK, I started crying and jumped into my dads arms—so excited because my dreams were FINALLY coming true! That is when the picture above was taken….and it will always be my favorite picture of us. Unfortunately, our plans did unravel…due to my internship we didn’t get to go on that trip. So we agreed that when I finished my masters, we would go then. We never could have seen that October day when a car accident would take him out of our lives. When my dad died, I didn’t just lose a dad, but I also lost a huge life dream.

Earlier this year when Dave first began talking to Canyon Creek Korean Church, he found out that they do church planting mission trips in India every year. Crying, I called my mom to tell her and she said exactly what I was thinking—“this is your dad’s way of saying this is your church.”

And now my dreams are finally coming true. December 23, 2012, I will be heading to India for a 14 day mission trip planting house churches across northern India. I am still in shock—because after 13 YEARS of every single day dreaming and praying for India, I’m finally going.

When reading through my dad’s documents earlier this year, I found somewhere where he had written his three goals that he had not achieved. They are:
1) to publish a book (which our whole family will work to accomplish for him)
2) to adopt a child (which my mom did for him)

and the third—only I can accomplish for him
3) To do mission work in India.

This was my dad and I’s dream and our goal. It’s finally happening—and I’m not just going for me…I’m going for him. I’ve known about this trip for a couple months…but was so scared something would happen again and I wouldn’t get to go that i didn’t tell many people I was going. But the tickets are now bought, my visa application has been finished and training has started. This is proof that even after 13 years of waiting….dreams do come true, even if it’s not in theway and timing that we expect.

Update from California!

Hello all (who are you all anyways? leave a comment!) warning-this is long.

So we have been in California now for 2 months so I figured it was time enough for an update. The transition here was much easier than I expected, which I think was God’s way of protecting me from getting overwhelmed with everything at once. I love having a house, and an office to work from. It has been so much fun to have youth kids over and have parties because we finally have room for it! Our dogs LOVE having so much room and a backyard-they run around nonstop and play so much more than they ever have. It took about a month, but we finally got everything except the dining room fully furnished and decorated-which was such a fun project.

We had an incredible retreat with our youth kids a couple weeks ago where we had 83 people! It was a wonderful time of getting to know kids’ names and building relationships. I was extremely overwhelmed and frustrated the first month and a half or so because there were so many kids and I missed having close relationships with kids-but the retreat and having kids over completely fixed that. I still don’t know all the kids names…but this youth group is very quickly becoming our family and I see so much potential for growth and great relationships.

However-as much as things have started going awesome at church, the loneliness really started hitting us both the last few weeks. It has really started to sink in what we’ve done by moving completely across the country away from ALL family and friends. We both miss family a lot. I had become accustomed to being away from my family because I at least had Dave’s family close by and a few friends on the east coast-but we now both have no one. But as difficult as it has been, we are really learning to lean on each other and on God and it has been such a sweet time of joining together as one and serving Christ in a new way. I am so thankful that God has given me Dave to go through life with…I truly can’t imagine my life any other way.

SO that’s about it. My job is going awesome-Dave is loving being full time at a church, we are building some awesome relationships and growing our marriage and I’m thankful for every day. God is good all the time!

Prayer request for those still reading: We recently had a family in the church lose their husband/father when he fell off a roof doing work. The children are a 5 year old little boy (Anthony) who is autistic and nonverbal and an 8 year old girl (Stella). I had the opportunity to have a playdate with Stella last week and we had a wonderful time of having a tea party, baking and doing art activities. Please pray for this sweet family as the mom makes decisions about the future and tries to best take care of her children, Anthony as he doesn’t understand what is going on and I’m sure is very confused not knowing why his daddy is no longer there, and for Stella as she begins this journey of no longer having her daddy to play with. I am just reminded daily when praying for them of our families loss…and as October 9th-the 3 year anniversary of my daddy’s death draws closer, I am just heartbroken. The pain and sorrow of this world is so hard to deal with at times…and I ask for your prayers for this family and so many others who are hurting for various reasons.

Wings to Fly

“We give them wings and teach them how to fly, with tear filled pride we watch them leave this nest we call home”–David Edwards 5/20/2009

On May 20, 2009, my dad wrote the above words on his facebook as he and my mom encouraged me to make my first grown up decision to move to Philadelphia. Early that Wednesday morning, he prayed over me and my new boyfriend and my new dog as we began the 1500 mile drive in my toyota corolla. I didn’t know what the next 3 years would bring-my sister’s marriage, his death, the adoption of Molly & Mason, 3 different jobs, my own engagement and marriage, a semester in graduate school, a year and a half of being a pastor’s wife…

And in 8 days, I begin another grown up decision. That boyfriend is now my husband, the toyota corolla is now a toyota RAV4, and there are now 2 dogs instead of 1… and we will all begin the 4000 mile, 11 day drive to San Ramon, California for Dave to be the new youth pastor at Canyon Creek Korean Church.

In these last 3 years, I have experienced heartache and joys, failures and successes—and all have taught me to “trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.” There have been many things I did not understand, but through it all I have seen God’s faithfulness. My parents always taught that God brings blessings into our lives and when we are faithful with the small, he entrusts us with more. Well, I don’t know what “more” is—but I know that He has been faithful to me…and I will continue to be faithful to Him, even when I do not understand what is going on. He has led our paths and clearly opened the doors to this new job, so we are walking through those doors and are excited to see what God does!

Thanks for following my journey through the last three years of being an east coaster—and stay tuned for more as a California girl!

Remembering

October 9, 2009, my whole life changed. It went from a beautiful friday where I had finished my second week at my new job of orientations and was preparing to go into my unit full time…into a day filled with heartbreak, questions, doubts and fears. I still remember the minutes like they were yesterday. Where I was, how I felt, the faces of the people around me. At 7:00, I tried to call my dad about their trip to Taiwan…and he didn’t answer. So I called my mom to see where my dad was, and she didn’t know. He had driven to Waco to pick up a table, and wasn’t home yet. We talked for 45 minutes and hung up, sure that my dad would call soon. He didn’t. at 7:45 I received the call that he had been in a car accident. an hour and a half later, at 9:15, I received the words that would forever change our lives…”He didn’t make it.”

The next 2 weeks were filled with family, friends, letters, calls, emails, flowers..and the rearranging of our lives. We cried a lot, laughed at memories, and remembered the incredible life that my dad lived, and spent time thanking God for the legacy that my dad left in our lives. One image that will never leave me is this one:

This was my brothers first day back at school, and I had driven him. He was only a sophomore in high school. I dropped him off and started the drive home, praying for him and crying..and then I looked up and saw this beautiful sunrise. Those days after the accident were ugly. Even through the family, laughter and flowers-each piece of those weeks was a stark reminder of what had happened and why we were together. This sunrise was the first time I stopped and said “God, you are going to make something beautiful out of this. I will trust in you.” It was a reminder that God’s mercies are new every morning, and I was being given another day to draw closer to him. This sunrise helped me to sing “Morning by morning, new mercies I see-strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow. Blessings all mine, with ten thousand besides. All I have needed, thy hand has provided, Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.”

Days are still ugly sometimes. and as October 9th approaches, my heart just hurts. But seeing this sunrise and the incredible blessings that God has given me in the last two years reminds me that God is making something beautiful out of this. He already has, and he continues to every day, and I will trust in him. Great is his faithfulness.

Daddy, we still miss you every day. But we know that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord…and we will see you again.

Moving On

As October 9, 2011 comes, two years since my dad’s accident-I’ve had a lot on my mind. This is my turning point entry. It’s long and it’s messy…but it’s me. It’s vulnerable, but I’ve gotta get it out. Here goes.

I’ve been angry lately. Actually I think I’ve been angry for a while now, but I didn’t want to admit it because it wasn’t “Christian” to be angry. Who am I to be mad at God? No, instead I put up the superficial face and said all the “Christian” words-“God has protected my family from anger. God was there on that day. God has been faithful to me since the accident. I trust in his plan.” I’m not saying those things aren’t true-they still are…but I haven’t fully believed any of it. I’ve been saying what I was expected to say. I was too prideful and ashamed to admit that really, I’m angry that God took my dad and ruined a lot of my life. Every time I hear Molly or Mason say something about not having a dad, I’m not sad-I’m pissed off. I didn’t want to face this anger that has been building up the last 2 years, so I stuffed it in. It only came out when I was angry with someone- and my sweet husband unfortunately typically became that person. My anger in those arguments wasn’t just about the situation…no, it was much deeper than that. I finally broke myself away from God. I didn’t want to pray, teach, study the bible or even talk about God. Then I realized—I’m not benefitting from this. I don’t want to be angry, I want to joyfully trust the Lord and worship with my heart abandoned and arms held high like my youth kids, but I just couldn’t get my heart there. So I went to Women of Faith, alone, hoping that God would speak to me, forgive my anger and heal my broken heart. I didn’t want to grieve anymore, and I didn’t want to be angry anymore-I wanted to live joyfully…but I couldn’t get myself there. So now that I’ve made myself vulnerable and admitted all of that crap above-here is what I learned this weekend.

*We are called to love and serve a God that we don’t always understand*
I will never understand why God took my dad. I will never understand why God allowed us to adopt Molly and Mason, even though they wouldn’t have a father. But God is God, and I am not-my job as a Christian and a child of God is to love, serve and trust…even if I don’t know what the heck is going on.

*God came: to seek, find and heal us that are “lost” (broken beyond repair)*
I am so lost. I am broken in a million pieces from trying to control my life and play God and my heart physically HURTS from missing my dad. But isn’t that why God came? To find us, hold us and heal us so that we know that we are loved.

*Eccl 3:1-8- Time for Everything- about beginnings & endings. Endings aren’t just things that happen to us, they are also things that we intitiate.*
My dad’s life ended on October 9, 2009. God ended that. My grieving, controlling, depression and anger though…I started that, and it needs to end. God has already offered his healing and love, but I’m too much of an angered control freak to take it and trust his plan and end my gut-wrenching grief.

*Why do we prune? So that the good can flourish and to cut out the sick and dead things*
There is nothing good for me about anger. It breaks my heart more, gives me migraines, causes unnecessary arguments with others and gives me stomachaches. Therefore, it is sick and dead and needs to be pruned away. Starting now.

*Hoarding-holding onto things in fear that God/the world will not give us what we need. A hoarder idealizes the good parts, ignores the bad and whole picture and is attached to a season of life that is over. Grieve, let go and get into the great things God has planned.*
I’ve been holding on so much to my life before the accident-my dad, my family and dreams that I’m not enjoying and seeing the incredible things that God is doing around me now. By holding onto those things, it’s saying to God- “No, you’re not going to give me what I need, I need what I used to have so that’s all I’m going to think about.” That season of my life is over. And God has given me a beautiful new season of life here that I need to move into. I’m finished grieving and focusing on the season of life before October 9^th. I’m letting go and looking forward to seeing the incredible things that God is going to do.

*To move on, you have to give up self sufficiency and the voices that say you’re not good enough and come to God broken and vulnerable.*
I’m going to stop trying to do things on my own, give my life to Christ, ignore the voices in my head that tell me I’m a failure and throw myself at the feet of God-trusting that he will heal my broken heart.

*John 16:33-In this world you will have trouble, but take heart-I have overcome the world. I will let you walk all the way to the gates of hell, but I will go with you to show you there is no darkness too dark for me. The Shepherd knows where to find you, and he came to walk you home.*
I know the trouble isn’t over-we live in a sinful world where more bad things will happen. However, I know that no matter how deep and how dark that trouble is-God will go with me. And I’m trusting and believing that now. There is no darkness to dark for him and He knows where to find me even when I don’t want to be found. I can’t make it home on my own-I need the saving, wonderful grace of God to get there.

*“I was there. I understand. You are not alone in suffering. I felt sad for you. I can’t get you out, but I can sit there with you. I can help you make sense of it, work through it and drain out the anger.”*
This is what I hear from God. He was there that day, he understands my pain and anger and has cried along with me. Even though my dad will not come back and I can’t get out of the pain, God sits with me, helps me work through it and loves me through it all.

*We bring him our ashes and he makes beauty. We bring him our pain and he creates purpose. We bring him our broken pieces and he creates a masterpiece.*
I trust in you, Lord. These ashes will be made into a beautiful thing. You have a purpose for me even through this pain. You are going to turn my life into a masterpiece. I choose to let go of my anger and control issues and follow you. I’ll walk behind you or beside you as long as I’m with you. Please forgive my wretched angry heart and help me to walk in the joy and peace that comes with knowing you.

Summary:
“Grace” by Laura Story
I ask you: “How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down? And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?”
And you answer: ” My child, I love you. and as long as you’re seeking My face, You’ll walk in the pow’r of My daily sufficient grace.” You are so patient with me, Lord.